Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
