Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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