eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
