I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
