Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
