My hair reeks of homosexuality.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
