is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
