if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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