I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
