it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
