Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
