I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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