Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
