she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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