you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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