My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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