Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize