I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
