What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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