Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
