So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
