Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
