I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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