woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
