youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
