im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
