I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
