She is in my trunk
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
