wrigley field is MILF paradise
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
