Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
