why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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