we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
