yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
