Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
