u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
