I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
