with your own penis?
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
