You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
