the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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