I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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