Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
