Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
