Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
