so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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