my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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