Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
