she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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