In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
