So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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