So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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