You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
