I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
