Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
