dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
