sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize