My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
