Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
