So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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