I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
