im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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