Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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