Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
