just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
