Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
