dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
