If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
