i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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