he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
