May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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