I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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