Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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