haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
