Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
