When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
