Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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